She wanted
by a.touch.eclectic
Summary: A catharsis for the episode "Wannabe in the Weeds." Brennan thinks about her past and present with Booth. My first Bones fic. I hope you enjoy!


My first Bones fic. I am new to the series, so I apologize if things don't match up with canon exactly. This was my catharsis to the last episode. I hope you enjoy!

Brennan sat with her head in her hands, trying to gain some control of her emotions. She had been on such a roller coaster, she couldn't even feel anything anymore. The events of the evening were taking their toll on her.

"I got the music, the frivolity. What else do you need?"

Brennan had enjoyed those few moments, singing in front of her friends, Booth's goofy grin as he bopped around with the music. She felt like she was thirteen again, messing around with her friends and goofing off. She had to admit, she was no longer annoyed that Booth had dragged her up here. She was still hoping to get him to sing himself.

"I'm doing this for us."

The flash of the gun, the blast of the shot, and Booth jumping in front of the line of fire, his gun barely raised; Brennan saw it all in slow motion. She rushed to Booth's side, desperately hoping that he wasn't hurt. Booth's face betrayed his shock rather than pain. Brennan caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Running on pure adrenaline, she didn't even realize what had happened until Pam fell to the ground with blood streaming down her neck.

"Booth, you're gonna be fine. I'm right here. Come on. You can do this. You're gonna be fine. You can make this. Come on… come on, Booth. Come on. **Come on** come on Booth, come on. Come on, come on, come on. You're gonna make this. Come on. You can do this. Come on …come on Booth. It's gonna be fine. Come on Booth …come on Booth no… no come one… **come on Booth**."

The blood pooling between her fingers was like a knife in her heart. She tried to compartmentalize, to think only of stopping the bleeding. As she looked into Booth's face, she tried to convince herself of the words she was saying. It seemed like ages until sirens sounded outside the bar. The paramedics began to surround her, but she was reluctant to let them tear her away from Booth. Finally, Angela pulled her away, murmuring something about letting the paramedics take care of Booth. Brennan allowed herself to be enveloped in Angela's arms, and began to sob uncontrollably. She allowed herself to be led to Hodgins's car. They followed the ambulance to the hospital, none of them speaking, just trying to comprehend what had just happened.

"We're doing all we can."

Brennan barely paid attention to what the doctor was saying. All she really understood was that Booth was in the hospital, and it was because of her. He took a bullet for her, and she couldn't do anything for him. She couldn't lose him; she couldn't lose another person in her life.

In the three years she had known him, the two of them had shared so much. She hadn't known when it had happened, or why, but Booth had become her best friend. Despite what Sweets and others may say, she could share anything and everything with Booth. They talked about so much more than work, or even pie. And in the course of these conversations, something very special had happened.

Brennan thought of everything that had happened to them over the years. Booth detaining her at the airport, her blackmailing him into making her his partner, his support of her as her mother's murder was revealed, arresting her father, Angela and Hodgins's attempt to get married. Her refusal to go out into the field after Zach left for Iraq, their kiss, their double date, taking care of Andy, his unwilling support of her idea to get her father released, and now…. Every case had special meaning. She wished they could do everything again, and more. They had yet to catch Gormogon, and there would always be more murderers out there for them to catch. She wanted to do one more case with Booth, just one last one.

Ever since her parents had left her, she had built up a wall around her, keeping everyone at a distance. Gradually, Booth had broken down that wall. Each brick had been carefully torn down, so slowly Brennan had barely noticed that it was disappearing. But now her heart was open, and breaking. Her connection with Booth was almost too close, and she was paying the price for letting him into her life. She wanted him to know that he had done that for her.

There was so much she had to tell Booth, so much she had left unsaid. How he had become so much more than a partner, how he had opened her up to life. Their experiences together had brought them closer together, and she didn't want to lose that. She wanted to tell him for the first and last time how much he meant to her.

She stuck her hands into her pockets, and felt the smooth surface of the figurine of Brainy Smurf, Booth's gift to her. She pulled it out and stared at it for a long moment. She had innocently placed the small figure in her pocket after work, not even thinking about why she had done so. The blue and white toy was just one of the many wonderful gifts he had given to her over the years. Jasper was still sitting on her desk, a reminder that maybe having a live pig would not be that good of an idea. The Christmas tree from last year was preserved only in pictures, but she carried the feelings that beautiful evergreen draped with lights and ornaments had evoked in her forever. Each gift held a special place in her heart. She wanted one last gift from Booth.

Booth had done so much for her. She would never forget the elation she had felt when she saw Booth racing towards her after shooting Kenton. His words to her had been the most comforting thing she had ever heard up to that point. His hand had been there for her, when she struggled to get to the surface after being captured by the Gravedigger. His smile had been the greatest sight she had ever seen. She didn't want to let go of those wonderful moments. She wanted him to rescue her one last time.

Angela sat next to her and put her arms around Brennan. She drew slight comfort from Angela's loving gesture, but the truth was that she wished it was another pair of arms, the strong, muscular arms that made her forget about everything else in the world. Booth had once called their hugs "guy hugs," but she knew that they were so much more. Every time she found herself falling into Booth, time stood still for a moment, and nothing could ruin that. She wanted to hold him just one last time.

Hodgins sat down next to Angela and placed a soft kiss on her head. Brennan noticed this small gesture of affection, and felt a small twinge of jealousy. She thought with fondness of the kiss that she had shared with Booth under the mistletoe. The feel of his lips on hers, the fire that had passed between them (not to mention that innocent piece of gum), everything came rushing back. As much as they had tried to avoid talking about that encounter, Brennan had to admit that it was VERY different from kissing her brother. And if she was perfectly honest with herself, she wouldn't be upset to repeat the action. She wanted to kiss him, one last time.

Brennan had never really believed in love, and she would be the first to admit to that. She had never felt what others had described as wonderful, amazing, unique, and many other vague words. But sitting there in that hard plastic chair, waiting to hear about her partner and friend, something seemed to click in her mind. The feelings that Booth had given her, the special times they had shared together, each one served to prove to her that she had in fact felt love. She loved Booth. She wanted, she _needed_ to tell Booth she loved him.

Brennan wanted one more day, one more hour. She wanted Booth.


End file.
